If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child through puberty, you may have experienced it.
A moment where your stomach drops.
A boundary is crossed.
Personal space is ignored.
Something inappropriate happens.
And suddenly you’re not just correcting behavior — you’re managing fear, embarrassment, and “what if” thoughts all at once.
First, take a breath.
Boundary crossing during puberty — especially in children with Autism and ADHD — is not uncommon. It is serious, yes. But it can also be addressed with structure and consistency.
The key is to respond calmly and proactively, not reactively.
Step 1: Increase Supervision (Without Framing It as Punishment)
When impulse control is still developing, supervision protects everyone.
That may mean:
- No unsupervised time with peers for a while
- Clear rules about private vs. public spaces
- Being physically present during social interactions
This is not regression.
It is scaffolding.
Structure is not a failure. It is a bridge to independence.
Step 2: Be Extremely Explicit About Boundaries
Neurodivergent kids often need rules spelled out clearly and repeatedly.
Avoid vague phrases like:
“Don’t be inappropriate.”
Instead say:
- “We do not touch other people’s bodies without permission.”
- “If someone says no, you stop immediately.”
- “Private body behaviors happen only in your bedroom with the door closed.”
- “We do not go into other people’s spaces without being invited.”
Clear language reduces confusion.
Step 3: Teach the ‘Before’ Signal
As I shared in my earlier post, many behaviors have a warning sign.
Fidgeting.
Restlessness.
Nervous energy.
Sudden requests to isolate.
When you see those signals, intervene early.
Ask:
“Is your body feeling buzzy?”
Then redirect immediately to a safe regulation option:
- Push-ups or wall sits
- Carrying something heavy
- Cold water
- A bedroom reset
You are teaching pause, not punishment.
Step 4: Align With Professionals
If behaviors are escalating, loop in:
- Therapists
- Case managers
- School support teams
- Pediatricians
Ask directly about:
- A formal behavior intervention plan
- Consent education
- Impulse-control strategies
- Medication review if needed
Early collaboration prevents bigger consequences later.
Step 5: Separate Accountability From Shame
This is delicate but critical.
Your child needs to understand:
“The behavior is not okay.”
But they should not internalize:
“I am bad.”
If your child shows remorse, that is a positive sign. It means they care.
You can say:
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone. But we still have to fix this and learn from it.”
Firm. Calm. Steady.
That balance builds responsibility without crushing self-worth.
A Final Word for Parents
Boundary crossing can feel scary.
You may worry about:
- Other kids
- School consequences
- Legal implications
- Judgment from others
But here’s what matters most:
Are you ignoring it?
Or are you addressing it with structure and support?
If you are reading this, you are doing the second one.
Puberty in a neurodivergent brain can be loud.
But with supervision, explicit teaching, and early intervention, growth is absolutely possible.
You are not alone in this season.
And you are not failing.
